1. Pick a date. Generally speaking, this should occur in April as it is Volunteer Appreciation Month.
2. Pick a venue. Hopefully, one that won’t have a class actively using it at the time. Having failed that, decide to rearrange the furniture so that the class who will be using the venue can ogle the food and goings-on, but not join in. *sigh*
3. Order food. Finagle and offer suggestions until you shift the discussion away from boring cold-cut sandwiches and toward food you can actually eat as well, ordered from the caterer you like, who just so happens to make a damned fine spicy black-bean hummus roll up for un petit coinage. With optional dead poultry and fried porker bits for those who insist.
4. Get your party favors and awards ordered early. Note to self: confirm order with promotionals company before you realize that the event is three days away and your stuff hasn’t arrived yet.
5. Shanghai kindergarten class into performing as the entertainment because A) they work cheap and B) they are the legal definition of cute and must be considered as legal entertainment tender for any event, regardless of their degree of inherent talent or lack of rehearsal time.
6. Reorder party favors three days before event (and pay massive shipping rush charges) because whoever is in charge of okaying and sending out requisitions didn’t.
7. Spend the entire morning laminating and then individually trimming at least several billions of placemats decorated by kids in themes ranging from the deadly serious attempts at florid gratitude to half-hearted attempts at Sponge Bob character-image piracy. Wonder if the laminator’s melty-plastic fumes are toxic, or just innocently mind-altering.
8. Decide to finish the other half of the placemats tomorrow. Spend most of the rest of the afternoon trying to nail down that niggling feeling that you’ve forgotten something.
9. To be continued…