Argghh…it’s that time again. I’m not an early riser, so this whole get-up-at-dawn thing is just truly hell on my system. And while I usually have enough rest stored up to cope moderately well for the first half of an Americorps term, right about now the sleep debt seriously begins to lay down a cage-match whuppin’ on my abused circadian rhythm.
Of course, some of it is the effect of too much awake time and not enough light. But I’ve been through this before during my school years and in my last Americorps term, and always, always after about 6 months in I lose whatever sleeping-in steam I had built up beforehand and it becomes a forcible act of will from there on out to haul my sleep-deprived carcass into a semi-mobile state of existence. Falling back asleep after beginning to wake up becomes less a mildly enjoyable flirtation with drowsiness than a near probability that more closely resembles a coma than coziness. And I quickly go from a lethargic forty-five minutes of steadily increased coherence to a zombie-like hour-plus of nearly impenetrable imbecility before being capable of doing work that won’t just have to be done over again later.
It’s usually a steady creep and I don’t notice it happening until all of a sudden I realize that I can only painfully pull myself out of a deep, sinking unconsciousness and that I’m constantly feeling like I’ve had several hours of sleep less than the clock testifies to, no matter when I get to bed and how deeply I doze. Today I finally realized that I’m there, and then realized that I’ve still got 5 months left to go.
Dear God in heaven.
One of these days maybe I can figure out why I do this to myself. In the meantime, like a dying man crossing an endless desert, I can only aim for the oases of teacher work days and school breaks when I can stay home and slumber through the days in a slothlike stasis until I get my fill, and hope these intermittent respites can provide enough somnambulant sustenance to get me through the rest of the year in one reasonably sane piece.
In the meantime…arrrrrrrghhgghh…brains….ggaaahhhhggggghh…tasty, tasty brains…