Drive by blogging – angst in the face of the flood

Up late, doing other (read, bill-paying) work, so this is going to be short and sweet.

I’m fighting some existential angst right now on whether or not I’m actually making a difference of any kind. I mean, I know I’ve connected here and there, is fits and starts, with a few kids. But over all – given the conditions the kids live in, the existing school system infrastructure and the fact that I’m only here for a year – it feels rather like trying to hold back a raging river in flood by quickly dipping my hand into and out of the water along the swollen shore.

This is a hard one, and one I’ll be tussling with for a while, I think. It’s hard to think I’m doing any real, lasting good just by what I can see. But I also know that there were people who changed my life, by dint of short, lightning-like appearances in my life as a kid, who probably never knew it.

I just wish I knew if I’m being one of those lightning-like flashes of positive influence, or just another adult irritation in the oyster of childhood, destined to be encapsulated and tucked away by the nacre of time and the tendency of the young for things to go “out of sight, out of mind.”

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2 responses to “Drive by blogging – angst in the face of the flood

  1. Soni,

    Even ONE is making a difference.

    Check out this story: http://www.cedu.niu.edu/~fulmer/starfish.htm

  2. Yeah, I’m familiar with the Starfish story. And it is very inspirational. But sometimes I find myself wondering if the “starfish” I’m working with at the moment area actually being “saved” or if I’m just cluelessly sprinkling a pointless amount of water over them as they’re dying.

    I know, I know. Every little bit helps. I do get this. It’s just not always easy to feel it after a long day of getting nowhere.

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